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How to make people suspect you of shoplifting

Bishop's College
St. John's, Newfoundland

By Natasha S.

If you're bored at home, and want to try something new and exciting, go down to your local mall and see how many people you can make suspicious of you. Your "crime" in their eyes? Shoplifting! That's right, I said shoplifting! Make people think you're shoplifting. It's fun, and quite easy to do! All you have to do is follow a few easy steps. It's so simple, even a young child can accomplish it.

The first thing you could do to make yourself look suspicious is to go to the mall with a knapsack on your back. People working in stores are always suspicious of people "lurking" around stores with a backpack. It will not be long before you attract the attention of at least one worker. They will give you quick glances and funny looks. Soon though, you will want to take it a step further.

The next step is to wear a pair of sunglasses while carrying that backpack. Along with those quick glances and funny looks, the store clerks will get that uneasy shuffle about them. They might even start to whisper about you amongst themselves.

The next step? Wear a black trench coat or a rather large jacket, along with the backpack and sunglasses. This will really drive them mad. They are sure to discuss your intentions amongst themselves, they may even go into "back rooms" or behind counters. A well-dressed man or woman will join them, undoubtedly the manager, who will then, in all probability, start to wander around the store. You will notice that the workers will find little tasks to occupy themselves near you. All eyes will be on you. Bask in the glory, suck it up, you deserve it!

So, there you have it, a surefire method to get people to think that you are shoplifting. Depending on what type of reaction you want, take the steps separately, or all together; any one of them will work. Or, if you want to see some action without doing anything at all, the one thing that will truly work the best is to be a pimply-faced, snot-nosed teenager just minding your own business!

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