What does that mean?

By Andrew Smith
I. J. Samson Junior High
St. John's, Newfoundland

"Yeah, I’ll clean my room, when pigs fly" This is one of the remarks that people say everyday. "When Lobsters bark" Someone could just as easily say something like "No" and sound just as intelligent.

You see pigs will never fly and Lobsters, well as far as I know lobsters don’t make any sound at all. Except for when you put them in boiling water and then they sound as if they’re screaming. Now you might ask, "What do pigs and lobsters have to do with the price of tea in China?" and if you do then you’re just adding to the material. What I want to know is, what does anything really have to do with the price of tea in China? The answer, nothing, except maybe the quality of tea in China and even this is vaguely related.

Everyday people mindlessly throw this sort of remarks in to their conversations. These remarks are just skillful cop-outs for when you really don’t care about what the other person is talking about. Sort of like "So" or "Go away" or the ever popular "Big fat hairy deal". For any politically correct people the last one would translate into "Large obese hirsute agreement" But I digress…

We all know how hard it can sometimes be to understand other people, even without some sayings that are nonsense. So how about just getting rid of them all together. Some of you may say, that I can’t have my cake and eat it to, but actually I could always eat half of the cake and save the other half. That way I would still have some cake left but I would have eaten some as well. If I was really serious then I could bake two cakes in the first place, that is if I could bake at all.

Now maybe you are just out there to confuse people, and maybe you don’t want people to know what you’re really thinking. If so may I make a suggestion for you to use on your next conversation…? "Bulls may enjoy asparagus but dogs are still mans best friend"