FEBRUARY THEME - TEEN RELATIONSHIPS
A Meaningful Relationship That Last For All Eternity
By Mandy A., Grade 10, Fredericton High, Fredericton, NB
I have been a Christian the most part of my life. I was raised in a Christian home and when to church as much as we could. But I never realized until lately how much I had drifted from my one true friend, and father, the Lord. I always promised I would do better be better and do all for him, and yet, I continuously let him down by ignoring him and forgetting. Until early May to December of last year when I hit rock bottom.
It all started when a deathly feeling that had overcome me when I heard the words. The words in which all else that follows will be changed. The words of which you have no redemption and can shatter everything you have believed and known until this very moment. The words of insanity and breaks the "Home Sweet Home" words that had hung over our door. The words would constantly run through my head over and over until I would have the urge to scream. The words of "separation, divorce".
When I first heard these words I didn't know why it had to end. I always thought we were a pretty normal family. I continuously thought, "This can't be happening to me, this isn't happening to me". But then when I looked back into my past memories I could see. I saw the tears and pain that tore through our family like a wrecking ball. No matter what anyone would do or say somehow, someway a fight would eventually emerge. We were so unhappy and I can remember the times when my father would get so angry he would leave the house, but he always came back. I can remember the screaming and yelling that would keep me up most of the nights. No matter what the argument would start about, it would always shift to the subject of money.
I can remember one night my parents had gotten into a pretty fierce argument, and they both went to separate corners of the house. My father knew my brother and I hated the fights so my father came in to tuck me in and I can remember him saying that the only reason why my mother and him where still married was because of me. I didn't know that the only reason that my parents were so unhappy together when I was younger was me. I kept them from separating and being happy once again. So when I heard the words of a separation I felt that everything that went wrong in my parents life was me. That if I was never alive my parents could have possibly been happy. I was so sad and lost I was numerously considering suicide, I had even tried a few times. No matter what I did or said I felt like nothing would change like my life would constantly be this pit of bitter emptiness. I was still going to church and trying as hard as I possibly could not to let them down. So I constantly faked who I was and how I was feeling.
Then one day I woke and I looked in the mirror and I didn't recognize the girl I had become, I was my worst nightmare. I glanced into my room and in the corner was my Bible. I walked over and opened it up for the first time in months and I started to cry. I had this overwhelming feeling that I failed God once again and I knew that I couldn't continue to live my life this way. I was unhappy and I realized that the part of me in which was missing all this time was a relationship with God. I remember crying and crying and I couldn't stop. I was praying constantly for hours, because I had so much to say. I finally found the happiness I was searching for, and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Now when I sing worship in church and in choir, I don't just sing the words to the tune, I'm rejoicing with all my might. For he has done so much and for that I am grateful. With him I am everything, without him am nothing and worthless.
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